Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
