There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
