You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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