Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
