he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
