sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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