just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
