I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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