Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
