i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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