and she was petting her beer can
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
