If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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