I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
