The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
