I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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