I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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