I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
