I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
