woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
