I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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