I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
