I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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