if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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