They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Come on in and take your pants off
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