____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dicks are not precious.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
