it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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