He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
