why didn't you poke me back
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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