i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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