He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
