I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
