i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
