You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
