i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
