He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
