Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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