um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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