The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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