6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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