I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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