if you like me you must not know who I am
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
