There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she smelled like a LAN party
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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