She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
