dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
