Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need a beard to bite.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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