Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
