I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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