I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
