Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
