my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
