my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
