You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
