I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
