is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
