i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
