i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
